Hope
Hope
Hope is a funny thing
When at one point
It was ripped from my soul
Category: Living Widowed
George & Sara’s Table
I had our new floor put in today upstairs, in preparation for moving our bedroom upstairs. I spent a little time putting things back on the walls, and putting a few things back in place (though I still have so… Read moreGeorge & Sara’s Table
The Numbers Game
When I wake up tomorrow, it will have been 7 months since Sara died. 213 days. Just over a month until her birthday (she’s supposed to be turning 43) and then another month until the anniversary of George’s stillbirth, and… Read moreThe Numbers Game
The cadence of tears
It is 9:20 am, and I have only cried twice today – not bad. In the just over 9 months since George’s delivery and just under 7 months since Sara’s death I feel like I’ve cried my bodyweight in tears… Read moreThe cadence of tears
On “Choosing” Happiness
I wish I had a filter for social media to hide all of the “Choose Happiness” type posts right now. You know what I’m talking about… the things that say there’s always people/things/events in life that don’t go the way… Read moreOn “Choosing” Happiness
Missing her hugs
Touching foreheadsa hand on the shoulderbumping elbowsplaying footsiesmooshing together on the couch with a dog on either sidemassaging feet, shoulders, backlight tickling touchHUGS – quick hugs, full body hugs, hugs in bed, hugs sitting downholding handsembracing while dancingintimate toucha head… Read moreMissing her hugs
4 months
Yesterday marked 17 weeks, and tomorrow is the 4 month anniversary of Sara’s death. One month for every year we knew each other, one-third of a year. I know eventually more time will have passed since her death than the… Read more4 months
A directionless post
This post originally started as a post just about George, and then it morphed. Now it’s about my grief for both Sara and George, how they’re very different types of grief. I’ve just been really heavy with grief lately –… Read moreA directionless post
Single Sobs with No Warning
I am learning
when a heart cracks wide open
beating and pumping
exposed to air
it resets sensitivities
rewires connections
Bedtime Grief
I’m lying in our bed, on my side of the bed. I just changed the sheets – I miss being able to make my usual remark to you about how lovely fresh sheets are. Ember sits above my head on… Read moreBedtime Grief
Prompt 12: Wreckage, The Bones, and other thoughts on my grief at 11 weeks in
Shortly after Sara died, I posted a link on my facebook page to the music video for the song “The Bones” by Maren Morris. To summarize my earlier thoughts on the song, it was one that brought me great comfort… Read morePrompt 12: Wreckage, The Bones, and other thoughts on my grief at 11 weeks in
Prompt 11: Roots
Roots are such strange things. They’re usually hidden, underground, but with very few exceptions a plant cannot survive without roots. Some roots are short and fat, others and long and skinny and will snake amazing distances underground. With some plants,… Read morePrompt 11: Roots
Prompt 10: Melancholy
Evening falling –a soft lamenting rings in my ears as the pup’s soft whines fill the room.He misses you – and I do too.A warm, grey cable-knit sweaterthat was yourswraps itself around me but I still feel cold. Your love… Read morePrompt 10: Melancholy
Prompt 6: Hereafter Kind
My dear Sara always encouraged people to be gentle with themselves. This is something I tried to remind people of in the immediate time after her death. Sara was someone who was so good at encouraging this of others, but… Read morePrompt 6: Hereafter Kind
Prompt 5: My New Roommate
I have a new roommate. He is very unexpected, but his residence with me is now permanent. Some days he just won’t leave me alone – following me around at home, communicating with me while I’m at work. I find… Read morePrompt 5: My New Roommate
Prompt 1: There is No One at Home to Speak My Name
There is no one at home to speak my name anymore. Names for me often included Sweetheart, Trent, Love, My Person, Honey, Sexy Man… Now there’s silence. I used to be your Sous-Chef – the kitchen was your domain. I… Read morePrompt 1: There is No One at Home to Speak My Name