2019 Sucked: My Thoughts on Loss, Grief, and Life After
I have several unwritten prompts sitting in my inbox, but I don’t find myself drawn to any of them right now. Instead I find myself thinking about the fact that tomorrow is father’s day in the US. It is (was… Read moreBeing a Bereaved Father on Father’s Day
When I wake up tomorrow, it will have been 7 months since Sara died. 213 days. Just over a month until her birthday (she’s supposed to be turning 43) and then another month until the anniversary of George’s stillbirth, and… Read moreThe Numbers Game
I don’t know how to feel about Mother’s Day this year. It was supposed to have been Sara’s first Mother’s Day with our son, George. Although I was pregnant on Mother’s Day (and Father’s Day) last year, we didn’t celebrate… Read moreA Different Kind of Mother’s Day
Targeted advertising is one of the things that makes the internet go ’round. It’s one of the main reasons why site like Facebook are free. They’ve always been annoying and sometimes creepy, like when an ad pops up about something… Read moreThey are monetizing my grief
Every day when I move about our house and interact with our things I can’t help but thank about all of the things we have that Sara and George were supposed to outlive: The white-out tape on the table downstairs…. Read moreAnger at Inanimate Objects
About 2 weeks after Sara died, I took my wedding ring off and wore it on a chain with Sara’s engagement necklace and her wedding ring. That turned out to be a bit bulky/awkward, and I also realized that I… Read moreThe Wedding Ring Question
This morning I slept in a bit, my arm around one of the dogs,wrapped up in the warm comforter.When I did wake, I took a nice warm shower andput on the 90s-style velvety knit sweater – I bought it last… Read moreA should-be perfect weekend morning
I made the mistake of listening to our wedding song tonight, the song that Sara walked down the aisle to (the hallway – we got married in our home). Ed Sheeran’s Thinking Out Loud. The first few notes hit, and… Read moreThinking Out Loud
I had a good morning today – I woke up and decided to go to a nearby diner for breakfast. A shiny, beautiful, silver boxcar diner with memorabilia, furniture, and dishes that create a fun little bubble of space that… Read moreDiners and Haircuts
Sara and I were the type of couple that liked to express our love for each other daily. We had our parting-in-the-morning I love-yous, and our middle-of-the-day text message I-love-yous, and the evening-greeting I-love-yous, and the bedtime I-love-yous, and the… Read more1st Valentine’s Day without my Valentines
I am learning
when a heart cracks wide open
beating and pumping
exposed to air
it resets sensitivities
rewires connections
Shortly after Sara died, I posted a link on my facebook page to the music video for the song “The Bones” by Maren Morris. To summarize my earlier thoughts on the song, it was one that brought me great comfort… Read morePrompt 12: Wreckage, The Bones, and other thoughts on my grief at 11 weeks in
Red – it is not a color I have historically associated with much. It feels so bold, so strong. I’m more of a water-color person, give me some nice blues or greens any day. But now, I close my eyes… Read morePrompt 9: Red
I have a new roommate. He is very unexpected, but his residence with me is now permanent. Some days he just won’t leave me alone – following me around at home, communicating with me while I’m at work. I find… Read morePrompt 5: My New Roommate
It’s 9 am on a Tuesday; I’ve been at work for an hour, and I’m breathing in the rich scent of my second cup of coffee. I think about how over the past few years you quit drinking coffee for… Read morePrompt 4: 9am on Tuesday
I’ve tried to be pretty transparent about my grief. It’s felt like the only way I could keep living – I can’t just pretend to be okay when I am so, so far from being okay. But even with my… Read morePrompt 2: What doesn’t show…
One last random share for the night; the most unexpected things bring you to your knees when dealing with the loss of a close loved one. I’d been avoiding washing & putting away Sara’s half-dozen water bottles/cups/containers she had been… Read moreWater Cups