Our Blue
Deep, reflective Blue – the color of the glass witch ballgifted to us as a wedding present,hanging in the corner of our dining room.I think of all the things it has seen and heard,and wish I could play them all… Read moreOur Blue
2019 Sucked: My Thoughts on Loss, Grief, and Life After
Deep, reflective Blue – the color of the glass witch ballgifted to us as a wedding present,hanging in the corner of our dining room.I think of all the things it has seen and heard,and wish I could play them all… Read moreOur Blue
The last time I wrote found poetry, it was words plucked from the pages of a birds of prey rescue newsletter. This time I picked up a newspaper and plucked words from a spread in the sports section. salvaged hope,… Read moreFound Poetry, Take 2
It’s so common for us to be our own worst critic. When Sara was alive, she was a great counterweight to my internal critic. Should would always remind me how much I’m taking care of and why she loves me,… Read moreKindness to Myself
It’s been a little over 14 months since I first (and last) wrote explicitly about the permanent roommate who joined me after Sara and George died. The personification of my grief. I wish I could say that we’ve found our… Read moreMy New Roommate: 14 Months Later
Cuddle Punk One of Sara’s favorite perfumes… “An unconventional combination of apricot, pipe tobacco and vanilla,” says the manufacturer. I remember she wore it on our wedding day – I may have actually picked it out, but the memory is… Read moreAn Unconventional Combination
Picture if you will a landscape – a small river, land and trees, wild plants and wildlife. Humans are pretty good at turning any landscape into something that supports our existence. Over time, we might build a dam on the… Read moreA Landscape so Vastly Changed
Some people advocate that that it’s our mission to uncover who we are at our core – that there’s some unchanging absolute self buried beneath all the layers of life. I guess I just don’t really see it that way…. Read moreIdentity Lost
I am trying to love life, to love it evenwhen the sunlight each morning is reflectedthrough the shattered pieces of my broken heart,a prism of both pain and love.Each day my body reminds me that I am missing my other… Read moreto love it even when
The hardest thing was trying to swallow my fear. I was the steady one, the calm one. I could talk Sara down and help ground her. We never asked the doctor what her chances were, what the statistics were, but… Read moreThe Hardest Thing
I came across this article on a news site today: I didn’t read it, but just that blurb made me think. Compromising is one of those things I never really thought much about before. Sara and I never fought (not… Read moreCompromise
I read a book recently, Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory, an autobiographical book about the author’s time working as a young adult in a Crematory, which led her to find a career in the… Read moreDreading the Conversational
A crib in its box,18 months since it arrived –You never came home Warm family cuddle,Snoozing dogs – but we’re missingYou, our hearts broken Your beaming smile,warm like a hug – on a boxFilled with your ashes Shock at a… Read moreMore Grief Haikus
I haven’t written in about a month. Today marks 16 months since Sara’s passing. I kind of feel like marking the time since someone’s death is similar to marking the age of a baby/toddler – at some point you have… Read more16 months – missing her touch
One step in front of the otherwinter crispness in the aira breeze that swirlsalternating between a whisper and a shove With every step I feel your name surfacinglike a chant or an echo bouching in my mindsacred, evoking both smiles… Read moreOf Steps and Stars
Sara kept bullet journals off and on through the time I knew her. This is a method of organization where you take a blank journal with gridlines or dot matrix lines, and create your own planner/list layouts. People (like Sara)… Read moreWriting Into the Tears
Throughout our courtship and marriage, Sara always made it a point to remind me how much she loved my butt. It was partly a reference to her favorite tv show Bob’s Burgers, where one of the characters is a butt-obsessed… Read moreFor the love of butt
Oh, my love – I wish I had asked to to tell me more stories – your youthful indiscretions, times you laughed until you cried,times you cried until you laughed, those seemingly small events that ultimately shaped you into the… Read moreThe Library of You
I was faced with this question when I started my 2020 tax return. Talk about a sucker punch… It felt like a lie, to check the “Yes” button – in the eyes of the law I’m no longer married. But… Read moreNo Longer Married?
There was a spark when we first met – the luminous merging of my life To your existence.Both our our lives were inescapably changed – transformed,by love, by curiosity,by connection and hope, by sorrow and fear, and by companionship.My molecules… Read moreOn the Sudden Revocation of our Luminous Merging
I miss having someone to cook for. I’ve been cooking more lately (vs getting take-out/drive-thru), and I’ve made some darn good dishes. Butternut squash soup, a chicken-sausage gnocchi dish, a veggie-filled egg casserole for breakfasts this week, some really simple… Read moreWhen a meal isn’t just a meal