The exercise I was working on today from Megan Devine’s grief journal, How To Carry What Can’t Be Fixed, involved reflecting on what I want/don’t want in my grief, and then more specifically what I want right now.
My list of what I want (or don’t want) includes:
- To be able to keep visible reminders of Sara and George around the house.
- For George to be acknowledged
- To be invited to social events (but be able to say no without hurting feelings)
- To spend time with others who love Sara, to hear others talk about Sara
- To be able to talk about Sara and George and my grief without it being weird
- To be able to get rid of or keep whatever feels right
- To not feel pressured to date or find another partner
- To not be told Sara is in a better place or other such platitudes
- For others to not be afraid to talk or ask about Sara or George
I know it might come across that I’m completely focused on Sara and George, but I promise I enjoy time with my dogs and with family/friends, and watching tv (maybe too much), working through the IVF process, and various other activities that don’t revolve around my grief. However, Sara’s absence and my grief for her and George are still big presences in my life. And for me, making lots of room to think about them, talk about them, and feel my feelings still feels like my life preserver in the midst of this upended life.
Well said