I miss my person, Sara. Sara Ann, as my family called her (since my sister is a Sarah). I miss her smile, her laugh. I miss her roundness, her softness. I miss her genuine goodness. I miss how much she loved our little family.
I think I’m missing her a little extra because of everything going on this week. I’m stressing over one dog who won’t eat enough and another dog who (for the 3rd time since Sara died) managed to scratch himself hard enough to warrant vet attention. I’m also preparing for a big step in my IVF process – egg retrieval. I simultaneously feel glad to be going through this process and HATE that I’m doing this without her. I’m managing multiple medicines and (lots of) doctor appointments for me, multiple medicines and vet visits for the dogs, plus work and household chores, and some days I just feel so lonely, doing all of this without her. Before, no matter how hectic the day was, no matter how wonderful or stressful or awful, I could end my day in bed next to Sara, feel her cuddles, and I knew things were going to be okay… and now she’s gone and I still have trouble feeling okay without her, most days.
I brought my photo cube from my work desk to share with my therapist today – it has a picture of Sara and I from our wedding day, a picture of George, and then pictures of the animals in various combinations. I felt it only appropriate for her to see the beings that we end up spending so much time talking about… my family. She loved Sara’s glasses, and could really tell that I was where I belonged in the picture with Sara. It’s not too often, now, that I get to share Sara and George with someone new, where the other person doesn’t feel awkward/bad/unsure of what to say… it felt really good to do so.
