I didn’t think this would be so hard, taking the 30 day grief-focused writing course again. Life feels… hard. Some days, I’m so tired from just taking care of my day to day existence / work/ caring for the pets / etc. that the thought of writing and digging into my grief feels impossible. I’ve gotten through 10 of 15 prompts so far (technically 16, since I’m a day late in writing this mid-course reflection). I think before, in January 2020 just 2 months after Sara died, I was so full of overwhelming, new, what-the-hell-do-I-do-with-this grief that it was ready to pour out of me. Now, the grief is still very much there, but it’s different, it’s more settled. Some days, my grief doesn’t want to be poked and prodded – and some days, I’m also just too exhausted, even if my grief were cooperative.
I’ll keep on going – I’m probably not going to be able to get through all of the prompts before this session ends, but I am glad to be doing this. I feel like I need to do a better job at setting aside specific time to write without distractions, but I’m not sure how to do that. Mornings are hard, evenings I’m tired… Routines in general are a struggle for me – I’ve never been great at them (ex. I’m one of those people who has never developed an internal alarm clock – without my alarm I’d be hosed!), but the pandemic has really exacerbated it. We’ll see how it goes, I guess.