Picture if you will a landscape – a small river, land and trees, wild plants and wildlife. Humans are pretty good at turning any landscape into something that supports our existence. Over time, we might build a dam on the river – allow ourselves to better manage the water. Agriculture moves in, and farms provide more reliable sustenance for more people in an easier manner than just the raw landscape. Infrastructure gets built, roads and buildings and before we know it, it’s a thriving town.
When I turn to my inner landscape, that thriving town is what I had with Sara. I’d been doing okay before her – living on my own, had a few friends, worked a lot, kept to myself – but when she came into my life it’s like she brought the dam with her, and suddenly I had more water and more resources and my life was really thriving in the way that I’d always dreamed.
Sara’s death? The dam crumbled. The entire landscape was flooded – buildings destroyed, roads wiped out, crops ruined. Utter devastation.
I’m sitting here a year and almost 5 months later, and the flood waters have receded but it is clear that nothing will ever be the same again. I still have more resources than I did before – all the people in my life who are only here because of Sara – but even if we re-build the dam, there will always be scars on the landscape, and there’s so much work to do to rebuild.