Of course time is running out. It always has been the waves crashing against the shore, shifting thousands, maybe millions of grains of sand with each pulse of the tide, creating erosion and forcing change. It has been the inevitability of the changing of the seasons; no matter how long a summer may feel, fall will eventually come.
Time is such a strange thing now, in my life. My experiences last year have made it abundantly clear that we are all living on borrowed time. For what amounts to a just a blip, the tiniest fraction in the big picture, the molecules and atoms that make up each of us stay formed together to allow our consciousness’ to live in these bodies, on this planet. But just as the shore erodes and the seasons change, eventually our cells will die and our molecules and atoms will return to mix and mingle with the universe once more.
I don’t believe in fate or in predestination; I don’t believe that each of us has some unknown specific hourglass measured and counting away. I do believe there are no guarantees and that any one of us could be gone tomorrow. Borrowed time… such a strange concept when none of us knows how much we’re borrowing or when it will be due. Death is ultimately the only true certainty for every living being on this planet.
I’d found the person who made time stand still yet speed up and skip a beat for me, all in the same breath. Sara was my person with whom I thought I would have a good 30 years with, maybe 40 if we were lucky… but I only got 4. Those 4 years were a gift I wouldn’t give back for anything. But now I find my life delineated into before and after… and I am standing on a precipice, staring into my remaining borrowed time wondering what time even means anymore, now that I am in the after.
“the molecules and atoms that make up each of us stay formed together to allow our consciousness’ to live in these bodies, on this planet. But just as the shore erodes and the seasons change, eventually our cells will die and our molecules and atoms will return to mix and mingle with the universe once more.” Exactly Trenton. A hard lesson as our beloveds move into the Afterlife.
I know the balance between hope from the past and uncertainty of the future, and standing at the verge of the precipice and not knowing which way to fall. Sending you love. You are strong enough to endure (and thrive!) for as long as you will have.