I am learning
when a heart cracks wide open
beating and pumping
exposed to air
it resets sensitivities
rewires connections
I’ve always been sensitive
in certain respects
would tear up occasionally
at sappy commercials
but now –
now I feel like my tears are always ready
threatening to fall
at the slightest provocation
I’m learning how to pass off
the unexpected sob
as a strange cough –
they will seriously bubble up
single sobs
with no warning
I rarely cried at books before
but today – Dobby’s death
they clothed him, shut his eyes
and buried him in a hand-dug grave
big splashes of tears
fell from my eyes
and I was transported
back to the room with Sara
her eyes closed
never to open again
It feels silly to cry for a fictional character
but unlike reading it before
my heart now KNOWS
reality-shifting loss
and even fictional loss
activates those nerves
I have been recalibrated
against my will
I did not ask for this and
I am not comfortable
Our world is not setup for us to navigate
without control over our tears