My dear Sara always encouraged people to be gentle with themselves. This is something I tried to remind people of in the immediate time after her death. Sara was someone who was so good at encouraging this of others, but so often hesitated to extend herself the same courtesy. In her most self-critical times, I would ask Sara if she would feel the same way if she were talking about me rather than herself. “Of course not!” her answer usually came quickly. It hurt my heart so much when Sara was being unkind to herself.
I know I can be critical or unkind to myself too. It feels particularly hard now, without Sara here to remind me of how much she loves me and why. Not that I didn’t *know* that – I did – but she never failed to tell me.
So today I think about how, as one way to honor Sara, I can embark upon an effort to be to my sad self hereafter kind.
What might this type of kindness look like?
- Not allowing guilt to creep in on a lazy morning spent in bed cuddled with our Doggos and the Catto. Sometimes that’s the best kind of medicine someone can get.
- Celebrating when I get the momentum to take the dogs out on a walk, even though in the back of my head I know I should be taking them out much more often.
- Acknowledging that it is really hard in the society and time I live in to work full time (or more than full time) and keep house, and run all the errands, and keep up with current events, and keep up with my finances, and have a social life… and… and… and… do all the things adults are supposed to do, especially when one finds themselves suddenly without their life partner.
- Not apologizing for things I don’t need to apologize for.
- Spending time with the people in my life who make room for the grief I’m carrying around with me, and who help fill my cup.
- Continuing to try disengaging from my perfectionist tendencies.
- Reading for pleasure
- Continuing to be okay with whenever and wherever my tears decide to leak out.
- Spending time doing things that take my mind off of reality – while it’s not really healthy to avoid reality all of the time, a good movie or a few hours zoning out on my Sims game and the like can do a sad soul some good.
- Reconnect with things I did in the past that made me happy, that perhaps I’ve been disconnected from, for whatever reason.
- Believing other people when they compliment me.
- Do things that remind me of my strengths.
I know I could keep writing, but I think you probably get the idea. Kindness to myself is going to be really important for some time – I’m really missing Sara’s kindness on a daily basis.
Note: this was written based on a writing prompt provided to me through a paid course I am taking. I am not including the prompt, because the daily prompts are a critical component of that course.